Patience!

I'm working on something so bear with me. I'll be back with a post soon, I promise.

We Interrupt Your Regularly Scheduled Program

To bring you this shitty news.


I've been shut down folks. I know. It bites. It blows, no it sucks a big fierce you know what!

So, as you know I work a full time job and I blog. I do one from the other. You guess which. And while I'm hugely successful at my job, others are not. I do what work needs to be done, I do it well and then I use my free time to get on the Internet and see what is has to offer. I tool around, connecting, if you will, to the outside world. Connecting to other people's entertaining lives, to my email, and to my pictures. I do NOT browse porn, I do not look up how to make pipe bombs, I do not circulate annoying ass emails with animals flipping you off and insisting you must forward this to 18,000 of your email friends.


Apparently, this does not matter to corporate America. Apparently, I do not matter. (Ok, well, yes I did already know THAT, but I'm whining so work with me here)

Oh the horror! The tragedy! More important: the fuckbags who had to go and ruin it for us all, I spit in your face. May you, the slackers, die and slow and painful death staring at your monitor all day and actually DOING your JOB!



Yes: my Internet access at work has been removed.



Just as November is starting, it has quickly ended for NaBloPoMo. Why, you ask don't I just blog from home. Well simply put, I have stuff to do here man! You know! Dishes, dinner, bath time, nookie, etc. Work, man, that's where you like do the work stuff at man. (Um, ps, remember that blog where I told how my hair grows three centimetres every time I'm online here because that's how long it takes. Seriously. Have you seen my luscious mane? It's from uploading pictures!)

So, while I will continue to spend my time at work productively I have decided, no vowed, to do it bitterly and stubbornly until they bring back the web. I have no doubt that I will be bringing m,y library book with me tomorrow so that I have something to do. You know: besides work.

October the Last

Oh, end of month! Praise be to Halloween for ending up this crappy month at work (and candy), amen.

This year, the first to be celebrated with a costume, Baby Bug is going to be the worlds most adorable pink poodle: Fi-fi. Hey - don't blame me, that's what the name tag says! I first put it on her last Friday and then proceeded to gush with adoration at the cuteness. I even took sneak-preview pictures. Want to see one? Sure you do, I mean it is Halloween. Why wait another day!





Now, go and check out this most awesome post by Dutch. I really love their blog over at Sweet Juniper. I mean really, I look forward to it so much that I usually save it for Friday's when I have time to slowly read and savor each post from the week. Dutch's style, his way of reminiscing especially makes me want to write more. But that story....well it was just icing on the cake.

Month 13

So, this is where I will recap the prior month in the life of Baby Bug. It's something new I'm going to shoot for each month. Mostly because I want to remember each adorable moment that has so quickly passed us by, and partly because her crap-bag baby book only goes to month 12 and I don't like the alternative which is a trillion little pieces of paper - or better yet Post It's - sticking out every which a way from the damn thing. Just what she needs is one more 'pop up' book to rip all the pop ups out of!

So, in honor of my laziness we will now commence with bullet points:

Dear Baby Bug,

You are a silly little one year old. So far I very much enjoy 1! Keep up the good work.

Love, Mom

PS - Here's what you did last month that was new AND that I remembered to jot down before I forgot it.

• Standing up in the bath tub. It drives me nuts because more than once you have slipped and not learned your lesson. Remind me to buy some of those adhesive thingys that go on the bottom so I can stop telling you to sit like the dog every 23 seconds.
• Walking behind your Lion. Grandma got you this silly little toy for your birthday. Yer dumb Ma thought we'd be staring at this thing for awhile before you got the hang of it. Then I actually stood you up behind it just to see what would happen and you took off like a rocket. I love watching this whole new walking thing you've got going on. It's like a little old person behind a walker, except it's YOU!
• We added breakfast to your daily repertoire of things to put in your hair.
• You put food in your hair! Why? After you take a few bites you run your fingers through your hair. It's kinda gross.
• Throwing food. This one drives your Dad nuts. We have to tell the dog to get out of the room 45 times during every meal cause he thinks you are like this cool new food thrower we got for him. The Crumb Dropper 2000. We think you should stop ruining the carpet and try actually putting it in your mouth.
• Digging in the couch. Yes, you are our little scavenger. You've always loved being on the couch. This is nothing new. From day one we would prop you up in between us and chill as usual. Except now you've gone from crawling between us to digging down behind the cushions. You'll lie on your belly and wedge your arm down in there real good and then come out with your treasure. Usually it is a wad of dog or cat hair which you'll inspect carefully before stuffing in to your mouth. But sometimes it's an old piece of popcorn, etc which you will promptly shove in your pie hole. It is getting hard to keep up with this yanking shit from your mouth bit. When will you start to identify food as food and crap as "icky"?
• We turned your car seat around to face forward. Oh happy day: traffic. This was pretty much a non-event. Oh sure, everyone says "Just wait till she can see out and watch you". What they did not say was "Then you'll have no where to attach her toys and she will promptly chuck everything to the floor".
• You had some new foods. Your first: piece of pizza, hotdog, cake!, snickers, yogurt, and chili. (2 out of 6 healthy things. We rock.)

Until next month!

Mmmmmm, Pumpkin!

Yesterday was an awesome day! We went to the pumpkin patch, which um turns out not to be a patch anymore. Guess ya gotta go earlier if you want 'em fresh! But we did still pick one out from a cart. We also walked through the apple orchards and took some really awesome pictures. I wish we had a tripod so we could have got some of the three of us cause instead all we got were these self taken ghetto ones. This one turned out the best.

Then we went home and the cranky one took a nap and the lazy one watched football and the Mommy one baked! I cut and cooked the little pumpkin and then mashed and squeezed it until I had fresh pumpkin puree. Then I made that in to bread and we had yummy fresh as fresh can be pumpkin bread and then I made the seeds. Mmmmmm. After all that though, we had leftovers for dinner cause that was a lot of work and not saying it wasn't worth it but next time I'll probably just buy the stuff in the can and save myself like 3 hours!

Speaking of time savers. Anyone have this new fancy 'high speed' internet thing at home? Cause back in the stone ages where I'm from we still have dial up AKA 'don't waste your time internet'. Sheesh, what a pain. I actually have to take the phone cable from the computer and plug in to the wall in the kitchen and wait to get online and then wait to open the web page. It took 2 hours to upload a set of pictures. That's not included the 16 time AOL kicked me offline and I had to re-sign on and upload again. Then I tried to change my header picture from home and fagetaboutit! It took 30 minutes of "processing" to do what my work computer here did in 2 minutes! Dear Santa, please bring me roadrunner and I promise I will be a good girl all year.

In other news, Hubby is going today to drop off his application to the Army to his recruiter. I am scared. I don't if I'm irrationally scared or if this is normal scared so I put on a brave front and told everyone how exciting it will be to live on base. And inside? I want to grab him by the collar and scream at him "Please don't do it!". I can't though. The alternative here isn't any better. I know he wants this. I know it's a better life for us, but I haven't told him any of my fears because I don't want him a) to know I'm scared for fear of holding him back and b) to use that to back out. Make sense? I'm really trying hard to be this Super Wife who always stands by her man and does what's good for the family but I'll admit, I'm kinda shaking in my shoes here. I told him just Friday that we can't let fear rule our lives. Now, I have to stand by that statement. It sounded so great at the time, lets see if I can put my money where my mouth was.

Go Ahead and Try to Pronounce it Like I Did

This is just a warning that NaBloPoMo is coming. Yeah, like I said. Go ahead and try to annunciate it like I did. I'll wait........ ha! It's an acronym! Roughtly translated it means "write your ass off in November". And I'm gonna try too so you just be prepared!

Also, I updated my blogroll over there -------------->

It funny how you drift back and forth to a few sites and then in another direction all together sometimes. Just thought I'd keep you updated on that too.

My Dreams Need an Exorcism

I was too nervous to pee this morning. Yeah, I know! I had to pee in a cup so I could use some extremely generic brand pregnancy test to test my own urine. I then had to build up the courage to not look at the thing for 60 whole seconds. It was negative. Praise. The. Lord. I do not know what I would have done if it would have been positive. But my subconscious brain does.

For two weeks now I have plagued by horrible nightmares. Not of the 'zombie or gone to work naked' variety either. The 'I'm carrying a fetus in my womb' variety. You think that isn't so bad, I know you, but for me it's pure panic in REM. You see when I was first pregnant with my lil bugger my dream told me so. I had said dream the night I should have started my period. In real life I didn't even notice it hadn't started. Really, who's got time to mark this type of shit on a calendar. So I go to bed none the wiser. My internal biological clock however just couldn't wait to ruin that for me!

(chimey music/cut to flash back)....I show up at work and I go outside on break with my two work buds and they are gossiping as usual and one of them turns to me and says "Oh my gosh, guess who's pregnant? I heard someone missed their period". And I'm all "Who?" And they both stare at me. *blink* *blink* Dead stares.
[oh, yeah that was the dream. In case you couldn't tell]

So, I wake up and go to the loo for my top 'o the mornin piss and pull out a spare pregnancy test from the back of cabinet. Everyone has one of those right? From the last time you had a scare and you bought a three pack? Well, whatever I do. So I pee on it and set it on the counter and proceed to turn on the shower and whatnot. (Can you tell I was totally expecting another negative?) And I look back at the bitch on the counter there and holy, fuck no, mother of a cow in my bathroom, there's two lines. Clear as day, two lines. I took my shower as usual and processed the information.

Anyway, I digress. The point is: the dreams, they came back. Except... I've been on stuff since after the kid was born and my doctor said it was OK to be on stuff so that this whole 'pregnant thing' didn't happen again. You know what I mean? But the dreams! And then I think about that poor unlucky bunch of mom who are on that 1%. You know the other part of the 99% effective group. Sonofabitch. So after being plagued by these nightly glimpses of pregnant me. Very surreal, real life, dream version of pregnant me, I break down and buy the test.

That was the worst thing I could have done. I wish my non-psychic husband would have just went and bought the damn thing and surprised me in the morning because it was a most tortuous night waiting to get up and pee. I contemplated getting out of bed at 5:00 when I rolled over but noooooooo, I had to nod back off and have another nightmare first.

The Story of 3:00AM

That can't be good. It's never a good sign when you wake up from having confused nightmares about work. With a headache. A headache so bad you don't even have to open your eyes or move your head from your pillow to feel. Please go back to sleep baby girl, please. I know she won't, she rarely does. I act like I'm still sleeping. It's not fair, it rarely it but I have to be up for work again in a few hours and my head, my damn head just hurts so bad. Why is she awake again.
He crawls out of bed. Silence. Finally silence. He crawls back in to bed. Ahhhh, that was easy. She's crying again. I get nudged. So that's what it feels like. It's my turn to go tame the dragon. As soon as I walk in to the room the crying becomes more panicked, she's seen me, she's afraid I'm going to leave the room again. I try the usual. It doesn't work. I start to ponder the possibilities for this night of unrest but the list and the tactics I'd implore are too long. I just don't have it in me. My head hurts. I grab her and fall in to the spare bed. Here little girl, you get your way tonight.
I draw her close to me and she's oh so quiet as she nurses herself back to sleep. I think about how I'll wake up for work with no alarm clock. I think about her psyche. Am I spoiling her by not making her self soothe? Work this one out yourself kiddo, Mommy's got to lay in bed and be tormented by your scream. No, she'll be fine. We'll be fine. We've got sleep to attend to right now. Too busy to worry. Night baby girl.

I'm Sorry, I Have Selfish Pride

Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy? Oh, why am I a selfish assbag sometimes? Or any of us for that matter. I did something the other night that still blows my mind. And I did it!

I was a snotty rude bitch to my new husband. And I didn't apologize. Oh, it's okay, you're saying. It happens sometimes that spouses forget to say sorry. You'd be right, it does. But I was more pig headed than that. I refused to apologize. I actually said, out loud "I don't offer apologies in this house, you should know that". I can feel your collective internet shock as I type this. How could she be so crass? That's a good question. It was stupid. I accused him of having the debit card and he said no he didn't and I said yes you do and he said well go check in your purse cause I don't have it. And so I did. And it was. And then he had the nerve to say to me "I'll take that apology now". That really pissed me off for some reason. I don't exactly know why, but him saying that pushed a button.

It brought back the old days when my mom would force me to apologize to my sister after I did something and I would sulk and growl and manage to push out a weak, barely inaudible "I'm sorry" to her. And then Mom would say 'like you mean it!' and and she would get and even louder angrier "I'm sorry I hit you!" (or stole your toy, or pulled your hair, or whatever, you fill in the blank). And ever since then I have never, never been good at apologies. I suck at them, they are hard for me, it's like pulling teeth. I sulk and mumble 'sorry' to this day and I hope that those who know me just know that I am sorry and I mean it but something, call it selfish pride, or childhood trauma prevents me from issuing that really well needed apology. And Brandon? He's great at it. When we fight he always comes to me afterward with the best apologies. You know, the kind that really make me forgive him. Cause he was an ass and now he's sorry and he told me so. Wow. How does he do that. My sister? I still remember her apologies the best. She was snuggle up to me with adoration and guilt in her eyes and say "I'm sorry sissy". And she was and my mom didn't have to force her to tell me so. Over the years we reduced our apologies to a simple "my bad" and it was implied.

I should have the common sense by now to know that I am going to cause some major issues in our relationship unless I learn to bite the bullet and fess up. "I'm sorry I accused you of having the debit card honey." See, that was one sentence that could have saved a huge fight! Why didn't I just say it? What's funny is that the next day after I've lived with the guilt I'd caused my self, I came home to apologize and I tried, I really did, but I thought no. Too much time has passed, it's not even a big deal anymore. But I don't know deeply I was shitting my self. Is it ever to late to say I'm sorry?

Yesterday we had another spat. And I was mad. BUT......I cooled down and I went up to him and I said "I'm sorry we fought". Hmf. It was close right. It had the right words. Right? Listen people, that was hard enough for me to do! Next time (maybe, just maybe) I will do it right. But for now it's a start and I hope it doesn't go unnoticed that I apologized. Because I want to be wrong. I do say sorry in this house. And from now on, you should know that.

Numero Uno!

My baby is one year old! Wow. I mean, wow! I've said it like 20 times today but I'll say it once more. Where did this last year go? Do they all go this fast?



I wish I had a nice picture of her today on her birthday to post. Unfortunately, I wasn't that 'on the ball' this morning. Heck, I wish I could say I even remembered it was her birthday this morning. Not that I forgot but I was more excited for Sunday when I get to watch her play with her cake. No, it was a good 10 minutes in to her morning breakfast that it dawned on me. My one year old baby. Wow.

I'm speechless. Savor it bitches.

I wish I could post a picture or too, but I'll have to wait. Wish us luck on the whole cake in the face thing!

Hellooooo Waa-keen!

Have you seen the commercial for this movie yet? Well........ lets just say I have and goodbye Brad Pritt. Hello Joaquin Phoenix.

Okay, this is the only decent shot I could find of him in that flick
http://imdb.com/gallery/ss/0498399/WEOWNTN_DOMPK_03_010.jpg.html?seq=17
(yeah, I know links sucks but for some reason I can't upload it from here at work. I know. I'm lame. Who blogs at work right? Well sorrrrrrrryyy)

Anyway, I've always thought of him as a cutie. Think Signs with Mel Gibson. Cute, right? But then when I saw that trailer and he was all gansta hott, I dunno, but he looks better now. (And yes I purred in front of the TV with hubby next to me because if he can drool all over the TV when Angelina is on so can I) (and need I even mention her last name? What is it with her and every man alive? I mean she's not that hot) (OK, maybe she is a little hot, but c'mon, she's overrated by now. Has to be.)

Have you ever seen so many parenthesis?

So anyway, I go to IMDB to check him out and omigosh, are they a bunch of stalkers. I mean I read his bio and I feel just dirty and nosey now. Ick. Poor man with no privacy. Who even wants to know so much. (on the other hand if like ever met him in real life I would prolly be forced to stalk him too. Not the point, just saying) Did you know his brother in law is Casey Affleck?

Also, I once met this man, while he was filming this movie. AND, yes, I do have a picture to prove it. My mother had the photo lab enlarge it to poster size and I have to keep it rolled up in a tube. Thought it's in storage since it's 10 years old now and therefore I can't show you.

Procrastination: pro·cras·ti·nate
1. A similar experience to masturbation, it feels good while you're doing it, but it sucks afterwards when you realize that you just fucked yourself.
(thanks urban dictionary!)

Ugh, I suck at this. Honestly, I don't know why I thought an online journal would be any different than the regular one I have that collects dust and gets written in once a year. No seriously, I wrote once last year even though my intention was to chronicle my pregnancy. I have always been a procrastinator. It's a family joke. I was even born 3 weeks late. Ask my Mom, she had to beat me with in inches of my life to get me to do anything. I sure hope my kid doesn't inherit that trait.

Anyway, the wedding was great (if you don't count the part where our DJ was a no show), and the vacation was nice (if you forget the colds we got and the ball busting heat) and the weather when we got home, well lets not mix words. It was shitty. We went from a lovely 95 degrees to 55 degrees and raining. Ick.

Damn, I had so much saved up that I was going to blog about. F'real, I was busting at the seams. Now that I am here I have stage fright or something and it is all gone.

Oh, but go and read Y (here) cause she stole the words out my blog last week and I commented (which I usu don't do) to tell her how much I empathized. This reminded me (like I could forget) that my Dad bought me a copy of that hit best-selling book "YOU on a diet". Yeah, not exactly the summer reader I would have hoped for but it is a best-seller. I tried not to take it as a cruel hint. I tried to take it in the spirit in which it was intended. You know like 'I love you and I want to see you healthy so you can live a long joyous life doing physical activities with your daughter' and not the 'here, loose some weight fat ass' gut punch that it felt like. However, after viewing our wedding photos and crying profusely at my desk, at work, because there is not one shot that I like enough to see past the fat I promptly started reading said book. So far, it is a surprisingly good book. Am I applying any of it? Hell no. What is wrong with me. I know all the facts. I know I need to be healthy. I know I need to get there, to drop a few pounds, to regain my positive self image, but it's like I'm being defiant to myself. Some inner mega battle ensues between my belly and my brain and...well...guess which one wins.

So yeah, anyway Baby Bug's birthday is quickly approaching and we have no plans and no where to go and I am so OVER planning crap. I'm also not in the least bit excited. Is that normal? Complete fear of one's first child's first birthday? Oh good, I'm not a dependant loser Mom. Cool.

My favorite part

What an exciting week. Don't ask me why in particular though. Here are some of the highlights:

- Soon-to-be Hubby cleaned the entire house. Did I say house? What I mean is tiny ass shoe box sized apartment. When you are in a space this small cleanliness is required. Clutter in small spaces is some unholy no-no that makes me feel suffocated. He even went so far as to separate the laundry. Why, I didn't even know he knew how. (also, dinner was already on the stove when I came home.) The only thing that could have made this day better was a foot rub. Well, a foot rub and some of you know what. Except that we are refraining from you know what-ing until we are married (two weeks left and counting) (man, will I be virgin again?) Anyway, before I do even more parentheses lets steer away from that subject, eh?

- We met with our Pastor about the details of the wedding ceremony. My actual wedding ceremony. It was so invigorating. That's the only adjective I can articulate right now. I left her house so excited and anxious. I am getting married! And I get to pick out the actual vows and reading for my actual ceremony! STB Hubby did not share my excitement. It's okay, I forgive him and I have enough excitement for both of us.

- I booked the plane tickets for us (now, by "us", I mean my sister, my mom and then myself, hubby and baby) It was tricky lets just say that. You see, my sister originally held this task. She was to find tickets for her and my mom to fly up from Florida and then a flight for all of us to fly back together after the ceremony. I had earlier found these tickets really cheap, so since she was booking it all on my mom's credit card she was going to do it. Was until she went camping for a week and didn't buy them first! And neglected to tell me this AND guess what happened? Um, yeah, the price went up. So we did more searching and I found similar cheap tickets but did not have my mom's credit card number and could not get a hold of either of them and guess what happened then? Um, yeah, again. You see where this is going? "Bride to be gets all stressed the fuck out and kills sister" Tonight at 6:00! So, anyway...now we are flying out of a different airport that is an hour and a half away versus the airport here in town. And what's my favorite part of all this you ask? Well it's the part where we get to fly the day AFTER the wedding all hungover and not land until midnight while traveling with a small child part.

Hi. Can we speak in private?

Um, no you say?
Because we're on the Internet you say?
Well of course we are silly. That's why I don't blab!

When you blog online do you assume you have anonymity? Or do you remember that old adage about assumptions?

Me personally, I have not told a single soul about my blog yet. I just don't know if I want that recognition, those peeping eyes into my life. And yet, I am one of those people who follow -dare I say -live for other people's blogs. But me? I feel like I just come here to ramble when I remember to actually do so. I do plan to give Hubby the web address when he is away at boot camp so he can follow us via blog while he's gone, but will that change the lack of interesting things I say here. Probably not.

I'll explain. A friend of a friend has a blog on that uber popular "dateline to catch a predator" site. You know the one I mean. And guess what? She talked smack about her boyfriend there! Okay, in her defense, she's a youngin' and may not know better (well, as much as you can know that anything you put in print is no longer private. Period) But perhaps she assumed that it was only all of her girlfriends that reads it, and she was just venting so what's the harm. Hmmmm. How about if a friend of her boyfriends read it? There's some harm there. Potentially I mean. What would you do? Do you tell the poor guy his girlfriend typed all this about him and hurt his feelings? Or do you let it slide? Dilemmas. Decisions.

In other news: I love my man, he's the best man ever and I'm gonna marry him!!
September 1st. Yes, 23 days away. I'm excited :)

Will someone please just come and tell me what to do?

We went and looked at that apartment last night. It's a 4 plex. It's in a nice neighborhood and right across from a big park. It's cheap enough but not dumpy. It has some down sides like a tiny kitchen and the back door being in the bedroom; but like I'm not indecisive enough the landlady wants to know our decision TONIGHT and wants $50 down to hold it. It's the first place we've looked at but we do want to move by August so I am torn.

So, Hubby and I have been talking about him joining the National Guard lately. I didn't think he was serious but yesterday he comes home and says he wants to do it. SO. I think it's a good thing - overall, but I'm nervous. He would be gone for 4 months for basic and training and then who knows...

Oh, and, he also wants to get married ASAP before he joins. I think that scares me more. If anything happens to him and we're not married I get nothing, plus married people have less change of being sent to war (not a guarantee either way) so yeah, ALL of this plus moving could go down in say a month or so.

EEEEEk, right?!

EEEk indeed.

OH WTF!? A WEDDING! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

(busy deep breathing...................)

I was all "what? just do it at the courthouse and off you go? sounds like you're off to war or something" and that's scary. I want a pretty dress and some of the bridezilla fanatics and cake and the whole caboodle (well maybe half the caboodle) but he said "oh you can do all that later when we have money" but that's not the same! I resisted the urge to complain because he is doing this to better his family and our lives and I don't want to be selfish. He's had the whole big fancy wedding before so he doesn't care if we do it again. but I do.

So, I can picture me in jeans at the court-frickin-house with my baby on my hip followed by a reception at a bar. Can you say White Trash?

It's almost laughable. No wait............... I am laughing, I think it's cause I'm delirious with that last prospect!


SHOT GUN WEDDING EVERYONE! BYOB FOR THE RECEPTION...............WAIT IT'S AT A BAR, BRING TACO DIP INSTEAD!

Man, it's lazy hot out there!

I'm so brilliant it hurts. No. Really.
I remember suddenly yesterday that this coming Sunday is Hubby's birthday. Not that I have to run out and buy a present or anything. He is taking himself fishing all weekend for that.
So fast-forward to the drive home. In 90 degree heat. With no air conditioner in the car and no AC to look forward to at home. The prospect was miserable. I was not looking forward to cooking dinner. Then my most brilliant thought hit me. I could take Hubby out to dinner for his birthday - and I could do it Tonight. Yes, brilliant. lets go get some food cooked by someone who isn't me in an air conditioned restaurant. Brilliant, right? And sneaky too, I like it. So I go home and feed the baby and Hubby gets home an hour later. I pop the question. He. of course, picks a most expensive seafood restaurant. I say "ok, I meant almost anywhere you pick" and this takes him 20 minutes to think about while he watches Sports Center. Meanwhile my stomach growls at him to off the couch and decide on the way. He listens. We decide to try a new Italian restaurant we haven't ever been too. By the time we get there it is already the baby's nap time but she doing good, chewing on some free tide-you-over bread. Good baby. I order a beer and I think 'man, it's getting warm in here. I should have maybe not gotten alcohol'. By the time our food arrived I was sweating just by sitting still. Add to that my big hot steaming bowl of lasagna (yes, bowl) and you have one hot mama. The waitress confirms that the AC is broke. I mumble to Hubby that maybe this was a not too, too great idea. He concurs. We attempt to get boxes and pay the bill only to wait, wait, wait for our waitress while we sweat, sweat, sweat. By this time the baby is like 'why are we still sitting here and why did we leave te house to sweat to death?' Good question baby. Finally it is time revel in the car in the AC on the drive home. When we get home we leave baby sleeping and I take a cold, very nice cold shower. Soon after my gut and said lasagna start a heated debate (pun intended). Lasagna says "ha ha bitch, you were foolish to eat me on a 90 degree day weren't you?" and Stomach says "yes she was, please don't take it out on me" and Lasagna says "I have NO mercy, you both must suffer, muhhhhhawwwww".

I should have known better than to deceive in the name of heat for dinners sake.

Mu is for Mama

Me: Well, it's about time you posted!
Other Me: Yeah, I know. But we both know what a procrastinator, I mean busy person, I am.

Hmf.

Why do babies have to crawl? Honestly, I'm fine with carrying her until she's like 2 and can understand the words that are coming out of my mouth! But for now...she's got the bug...the crawling bug.
It's fun to watch her do new shit every single day. Honestly, like every day she does one new thing and I'm like 'wow, check her out'. But MAN she has got no patience. When she wants it, she goes for it and when something is in her way or I won't let her have it well them damn you all to hell and now look what you've gone and done. You've forced me to scream at you and so there, take that! I think we are in the throes of baby temper tantrums. For instance, last night I was doing laundry and so she had to play on the bedroom floor. She has toys there. I don't just leave her to chew on dog hair on used dryer sheets, but that's what she WANTS to play with. Why? Why baby girl does a piece of lint amaze you yet your toys are invisible? And like every other minute she would be crabby with me [side note: this may be teeth. Then again, I've been the little boy who called "teeth" for a month now and every day I check her top gums for those pearly whites and nothing. I also ran out of teething tablets so that may have something to do with my paranoia also] so anyway, when she got bored or mad or whatever made her whine she would crawl over to my leg and cry "mu. mu" and I would distract with a whatever-I-could find so I could get back to laundry cause who can hold a baby and fold clothes at the time? Yes, I know I could wear her, but people, we don't have air conditioner and that kid is nothing more than a portable heater!
ps - she hasn't officially said any words yet but I take the "mu's" as her version of "hey you! with the booby! pick me up Mom"

So, as we are too poor to officially baby-proof the house I just follow her around pulling her away from dog food and oh yeah, the live walking centipede she tried to grab yesterday morning. Fun. Let my exercise plan begin!

Got milk baby cow?

Okay, so I've been milk free for 3 months now. Mostly because of all the reading I did which says "milk is bad for you". It's being blamed for all kinds of stuff now. I blame it for me being so gassy. And the baby too. I never want cows milk to be a part of her diet. Yuck, from Mom's milk to milk from a bovine creature sounds nasty. I thought when I stopped drinking it her cradle cap would go away, but it did not. Now that may be because I am not "dairy free". I still eat cheese and butter and ice cream. (ahem, see last post about being from the dairy state).

Milk free is very hard for me. It's hard when Hubby sits down with a bowl of cereal, it's hard when I buy milk for him and I take it home and all I want to do is break that plastic seal and take a swig of that nice cold new milk. It's hard and it sucks but I survive. I do not substitute with soy milk or any other milk like substance with 'milk' in it's title. I torture myself because it's nice to have convictions and self restrain. This is what I tell myself when I will not let myself pick up that jug and gulp.

So........ when I read about raw milk, I got excited. Then when I heard more about it (like how yummy and rich it tastes) I got really excited. I was considering going back to Milk. I went back to reading about raw milk and I even found dairy that sells it in my state. It's about an hour and half away but I had visions of a field trip in my head. And again, I was excited. I found said dairy's web site and began reading. Grass fed cows; wonderful. Fresh milk from the cow; wonder...What? It's starting to sound not so good to me. I envision little baby cows sucking at mommy's teat and then thinking, "how do all the cows keep up their milk supply up if they are being milked and feeding babies". Hm. then myself said to me, "now, you are about to get milk Darcy, put those thought out of your head and focus". It's a $10 membership to the dairy to buy milk there (legal reasons, state law, etc) Oh wait, the dairy has a blog. I love blogs, lets read it.

And this is why I will never go back to Milk again. THIS made me cry at my desk. THIS made me sad, very deeply sad down to the core of mommy me. I don't care that they are just cows. I don't care that hubby will not understand when I tell him why this made me mad, I don't care about anything anymore except those poor, poor baby cows. Sorry, but this is just the way my compassion works. It is so strong and so deep that it consumes me. I hate milk.

Shoot me, in the head, TGIF

Ugh, Friday already. That didn't take long enough to get here. For being a short week it sure was a long one. So now I sit at work, at my desk, work completed for the day and I can see out the window and I wanna be there.................outside, where it's NOT work and it's not work; oooops said that already. But on the other hand I don't want to be home either. Where the dishes and a bazillion other chores await me and hubby has planned to have people over and has just told me. "God bless it" (that's how my cusses when she's instantly upset, like a jackass in traffic or hitting your thumb with a hammer or such) and God bless him, he's lucky I have to sit here and fester about it. Or do I mean sit here and cool down. Hmf. So anyway. I get to go pick the kid up, do the dishes, generally tidy up the dump and then meet new people + new people's kids and entertain and act social with only wine to drink. Ick. I'll take a beer please waiter. Oh yeah, and I did I mention we're so broke we can't even afford beer. Beer people! We live in Wisconsin. The shit should flow freely from our tap where I can turn on the tub and bathe in beer if I want to dammit because it's beer and they serve it at church picnics up here and because I said so and because I have beer on the brain. No beer = crabby mommy. Shoot, do I sound alcoholish now. Hey! Speaking of beer...has anyone tried this new one by Lienenkugel yet? Ok, now I'm just 8 shades of pissed off because due to the fact that I am at aforementioned work I cannot link to said beer website. Not like it matters Leinie's is pretty area specific. You probably haven't drank it unless you are in Wisconsin but anyway, it is their new Summer Shanty flavor and it's light and lemoneady and delic! And now I want one even more:(
Well, so the weekend plans are to sit home and watch it rain and whine about it. My plans before that were to go to the Cheese Festival parade. yes, keep laughing. Have I mention yet that I am in Wisconsin and we if there's one thing we have, it's cheese. And so with all that cheese you must have a festival celebrating it and with that a parade. Until the weather man crapped all over that.
Other than that I'm thinking about checking out Unitarian Universalist church in town. Any other UU's out there? I've never been but I checked out their website today and brain dead as I am I didn't get much out it. I really hope they have a 'nursing room' like my regular church does or those UU's are gonna see some hoo-ha's with a baby on them. And hey if they are cool with that then I might just come again!
- d

Hi, my name is...

So this is my first, um, what do you call these thing? Blog, oh yeah. Welcome! So until like literally 3 months ago I had no idea what a blog was. I am that behind the times. Then someone in one of my chat groups (you know the naked kind (j/k)) posted to this one. I was hooked. Then I linked to more and more and now, well, I'm addicted. So, when I'm not blog reading at work, I'm working. Sounds backwards huh? So yeah, I work full time and raise the kid and the hubby all at the same time. Oh, yeah and "hubby" is not my husband, just some guy who wants to be :) No, that's not right either. We've lived together and had a kid together and I finally got a ring for Christmas. So since we're moving in the right direction let's just skip all the pretentious "fiance" shit and call him hubby.
So today at work I finally met my pump buddy. Yeah, I'm like this weird booby greeting committee there. Okay, backup. So where I work they give us moms who pump a special stall in the ladies crapper. It's real fun. I get to listen to other women pissing and dropping the deuce while I'm making milk for my precious child. Can you image the fun? Okay so when I first went back to work I was scared of this stall cause it's weird in there with a little ledge and an outlet and all the other ladies who are in there going "what's that noise?" like 50 times a day. And so I would sit in there and be bored and embarrassed and I could tell there was another person who pumped too because sometimes I would need to get in there and it would be occupied and hear the 'whirrrr, pump, whirrrr, pump' noise and once I ran into her coming out and I was shy and didn't know what say so we had an awkward moment. (blush) Until a week later when I ran into her again and she said "Hi, you should email me". And so I did. And we talked. And to my great surprise she was very AP also. Woooo-hooo! And so we met for coffee. Me with my nursing 4 month old and her with her nursing 1 year old and it was great. Just peachy. And so now we talk at work and it's neat knowing another person who has to pump to shit sounds. And then... last week... I notice another new pumper. I spot her in the hallway, from the back and she has the exact same pump as me. So being the friendly dork that I am I leave her a note in the creepy pump stall. "Dear fellow pumper, hi, I'm Darcy and I just wanted to say hi and welcome. You should email me some time. Bye" (and yes, I did leave my email address also, I'm not that cruel) And she did. So now I'm thinking -wow, this pumping is like networking. And so me and my new pump friend have been emailing all week thru work email and her baby is a little younger than mine and it's been real neat. You know how you have those first encounters sometimes where you're all like 'me too, I know, that is so me'. And it's neat but you fell kinda creepy even though you're not and it's totally not your fault that you have so much in common but still. So that's where we're at now. the awkward meeting went okay and we decided to have coffee sometime and talk about our boobs. Well, hopefully More than that but, you know how it is when you're a new mom.
Well, the kid is up from very short nap now and I have to go make half-thanksgiving for dinner. (yes, you know like your half birthday where you crave cake and presents 6 months after your birthday only with chicken and gravy and stuffing and masher taters and oh, I'm drooling now) Later

- d